Xanga-ly Post

July 20, 2007

I feel a bit like I’m screwed. Lemme explain.

Right now I am at 105.5 hours (college credit). To graduate, I need 127 (technically, grandfathered in at 124). Unfortunately, I am not sure what I need to take to get out of here this coming spring. I have a good idea of what I need, but because of how things are constantly changing, I might not get a class required for graduation. This scares me to no end.

My spring semester was horrid. I had a mental and emotional breakdown and became paralyzed. As a result, I ended up going on academic probation because my semester GPA was below a 2.0 (YIKES!). This brought my total GPA way down (obviously removing me from the dean’s list). Luckily, I will retake (at least) one of the classes to get my GPA back to pre-breakdown levels. My goal is to get my cumulative to 3.1 or above. This semester (summer) averages out to be a “meh” semester (did great in two classes, poor in two, awesome in one), which is a far cry from the 4.0 I was hoping for.

So what happens if I can’t get all the classes in? What if I don’t graduate on time? Will I still be able to get married next summer? How will I get a job?

What happens after the spring semester? If (and I wish I didn’t have to use the word “if”) I graduate, I get a job. I become a working citizen, running through the maze of tubes that is the rat race. I’m not ready for that.

On top of all this, I am limited in the first half year of married life to possibilities for employment, as Jill has to finish her schooling and graduate in the winter. At the same time we have to start in to a path I would like to take for the first bit of our lives.

I want to attend seminary at Moody Bible Institute in Chicago. There are many parts of this so-called plan that seem to fall in to place nicely.

First, Chicago is a good distance between Jill’s family and mine. Secondly, Chicago is an amazing city (my kind of town, it is). There are tons of construction firms based in the city that I would love to work for, and Chicago has a wonderful green construction movement that has been growing steadily. Third, and perhaps one of the biggest points, is that there are wonderful, prestigious medical facilities that Jill could begin her professional career at. Not only that, but I am sure that the situations faced in a big-city hospital would be far cooler (perhaps) than a sleepy town clinic.

At fourth, MBI is very well known, and on top of that, essentially tuition free.

Fifth, Lew and Jess are planning on being in the city as well, and having familiar faces to do things with is awesome. Jess is all excited about being able to “go to the theatre with people we know.”

I have to get the application information figured out, and I have to get my head on straight once more.

I feel a bit like Colin Hay’s song, Overkill:

I can’t get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications

Especially at night
I worry over situations
I know I’ll be alright
Perhaps it’s just imagination

Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away

Blogged with Flock

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