Pretty Funny

November 19, 2007

I find it funny that people think I go all crazy depressed lately (revelations gleaned through conversation through third parties to the supposed “conflict”). There have only been two outbursts (and they were pretty visible) this semester. However, I have locked myself in my room for long periods of time on quite a few occasions this year.

Reasoning? I’m studying like mad. Doing homework. Making sure things get done on time. Planning out projects. Searching for apartments or houses for the summer. Searching for a job.

This tires me out to no end. As a result, I don’t want to really talk or anything, and I do look pretty mopey and act kinda antisocial. By no means is this me being depressed; simply worn out. So far it seems to be working because (as far as I can tell) I am doing well in my classes for this semester. I do not slam my head in the freezer or anything, I opened the freezer and stuck my head in there because I had a massive migraine and the door happened to swing shut on me. Occasionally I’ll slam my door when I get fed up with a problem I cannot figure out. And, on some days I just want to be pissed off because of something a prof did, or because of just bad weather.

One of the major issues this semester has been my weather headaches. I have put on a fair amount of weight (10ish pounds or so) since the semester began, and I believe that this is affecting my headaches more. I used to just call them bad sinus headaches until this summer. They have turned in to full, stomach wrenching migraines that incapacitate me for the whole day. Unfortunately, I’m really trying to do the whole “good student” thing and get everything done and turned in on time, so I have had to work through these migraines when I would have rather hurled and gone to bed. UP weather being as it is, the headaches happen on a much greater frequency than, say, KC weather would cause.

So no, I’m not depressed. I’ve been pretty content this entire semester. Not one extended (2+ days) depression bout at all. Things between Jill and I are fine; we got over a problem in our relationship that we have had for 5 years now, and we are getting wedding planning done (oh yeah, put another mark in the “reasons I lock myself in my room” column).

I’m not trying to say I’m not a little bit unstable emotionally: my mental state swings more than Cab Calloway at the Sunset Cafe. I’m just trying to let you guys know that this isn’t my main issue this semester like it was last Spring semester and I definitely have steps to keep it under control this time around (unlike last, where I just let it consume everything).
So folks who live with me, Lew, Didur, Lee, Robert, Solo, Nate, Soap, Putz, Jodi, and anybody else who has thought I needed psychiatric help (which I have gotten, thankyaverymuch), don’t worry. It’s just a case of the 17 credit gotta plan a wedding and plan a life and I could really use some headache powder and still have a normal mental state senior ballad.

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